


You can always count on me!

by HartUnited



Series: Catch Me When I Fall [4]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M, Methods of Coping, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 19:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17473862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HartUnited/pseuds/HartUnited
Summary: Eric Dier has a hidden secret that is discovered...





	You can always count on me!

ERIC POV

You're feeling alone, and afraid of your own mind which seems to constantly push you towards destructive acts of harm. You have no control as you try to stop the seemingly inevitable sight of a blade drawing across pale, fragile skin.

"Eric, we lost you for a second there mate. What commanded such attention lad?" You pause knowing that you can't honestly state what it's going through your head right now. "Nothing special, just trying to figure out where Dele gets his ideas for those handshakes!" The entire dressing room erupts into gleeful laughter and shouts of teasing comments aimed at Dele "Yeah Dele, what is with those handshakes mate?" You breathe a sigh of relief - no- one is any the wiser into your preferred coping mechanism.

Training passes in same way it always does - jokes and laughter, grit and focus - same old, same old. You wait to shower until everyone else has left, you don't want anyone to see your scars - a sign of battles lost and a war still raging on.

You remember why you started in the first place. It was a way to release the disappointment and frustration of losing the league title at Stamford Bridge, 'so humiliatingly too' you add mentality. But after the first time had felt so good - you can admit that it isn't a magic wand that waves all of your troubles away, but it helped - and so you continued, the wounds getting worse when the scratches no longer offered the relief you sought.

Now you shower away from the concerned eyes you just know you'll see. You step out of the shower and wrap yourself into a small towel and head to the main dressing room to get dressed, leave and get home.

"Eric?" You freeze and look up at the unexpected appearance of Toby, one of your closest friends. "What are those marks on your thighs?" Oh shit. "Umm nn... no.. nothing." You manage to stammer out. "Eric, I'm your friend and I'm definitely not an idiot. I know self harm scars when I see them.

 

Toby POV

You've never done it yourself but you see similar scars whenever you're in the Belgium dressing room. The number and pattern gives it away.

Eric goes pale and falls onto the bench behind him. Your instinct tells you to look after the fragile young boy sat in front of you, with tears in his eyes. Trying to squeeze promises to never do it again are fruitless, that'll make Eric more upset for failing to do that. You sit down next to him, being careful not to touch him because he's more open and vulnerable than he's ever been in front of another person, if he touches you that's his choice and you won't force it.

"Why?" At that he drops his head onto your shoulder "because it helps to make the hard stuff bearable, it makes me feel so much better Toby." That's understandable, many people say that. "Eric?" You pause to wait for him to look at you "I have many questions but I have a feeling that this is hard enough for you. I'll just ask one - do you look after them properly?"

"Yes I have a big first aid kit at home. I even watched a few videos about stitching them up myself." I can't say that I'm happy about that, but it's comforting to know he's researched how to look after himself. "I want you to come home with me;" pausing at the horrified noise Eric made "it's not to stop you from doing this, I promise. It's so we can talk without interruption."

He nods slowly, clearly unsure making you feel more confident in the path you've chosen. "But what about your point about questions?" Sounding unsure of himself. "I won't ask anymore questions unless you tell me it's ok but we have other things to discuss. Like where do we go from here."

"I don't want anyone to know Toby!" He says sharply. You stand up and fall to your knees in front of him.

 

Eric POV

As Toby falls to his knees in front of me, the emotions he's feeling are written across his face - desperation, sadness and pleading. "Eric please we need to get you some help and to do that we have to tell someone." He pauses and you notice the tears shimmering, unshed, in his eyes. "I will stay with you every second that you talk if you ask me to. If you want Hugo or Harry, then we can do that." Oh no, it is hard enough knowing that one teammate knows without it becoming dressing room gossip.

"Ok Toby we'll talk to someone, but not another soul in this dressing room gets told!" He nods at you "ok, we'll talk more at my house, pack you stuff for me and chuck some clothes on." Rather then giving another response, you reach into your locker for the change of clothes hidden in its depths. In the silence of the dressing room you dress whilst Toby plays a game on his phone - giving you some privacy to change.

You leave together.

**Author's Note:**

> The probably will be a further chapter and I might name the self harming Belgium player.
> 
> This was typed on my phone so there are probably a few mistakes...


End file.
